10,000 BC

Uncharismatic actors, empty plot, instead of epic grandiosity and monumentality we have a stark journey of a group of homeless people to a pseudo city with visually impressive digital pyramids, the changing of locations is downright awkward (three minutes of cold, three minutes of jungle, three minutes of desert). The special effects team did a fairly good job, but otherwise this mess is completely pointless. Camilla Belle is delightful eye-candy, but even with the heroic music, half of which is stolen from King Arthur, the poor thing can't save it. (07/21/2008)

With the exception of the mammoth hunt at the beginning, this naïve CGI fairy-tale has absolutely nothing to offer and is not entertaining, not even with Emmerich’s expected trademark silliness. It’s been a long time since I felt that I completely wasted two hours in a theater. From the script to the actors, 10,000 BC is an utterly empty movie. Ugh. (03/17/2008)

"From the eternal child to his fans, with love Roland." I certainly don't count myself among Emmerich's fans, but I won't fault this movie. The only problem I see is the name, which should at least seemingly remind us of historical realities. But this is absolutely not about history, and Emmerich knows it. The whole thing is as predictable as a fairy tale, that's all there is to it. The pseudo-historical realities serve as a vehicle, not a goal, and if the Brothers Grimm's name had appeared in the end credits, I wouldn't have been surprised, really. Think of it as a sterile, harmless bedtime story, with a guy with dreadlocks and supermodels in furs running arounds, with very pretty pictures that stand out on the big screen and you can't be mad. (05/21/2008)

Historians must roll their eyes out watching this, because it’s really something. Emmerich is simply the wrong director for a this type of movie. He has no army, no army to destroy big cities. Plus the story is too simple and badly rendered mammoths, ostriches and tigers just can’t make up for that. The only thing he did right was to cast Camilla Belle. 50% (06/05/2008)

As the years go by, Emmerich clearly goes to the very core of what he can afford to show audiences and, paradoxically, makes more entertaining films with it. This hundred-million-dollar juggernaut neatly recycles the famous "1950s" monster movies, except this time Ray Harryhausen has been replaced by CGI. This is an uncompromisingly stupid (the dialogue!) and unrelentingly effective (the action!) flick, with not a single second of dead air, and if you have an archaeology student sitting next to you who is obviously enjoying it too (just from a slightly different perspective), you’ll have nothing to worry about. For all of the aforementioned, I am tempted to give the film a full rating. Maybe also a bit out of spite to everyone else who has to discover the hidden spirit of madness and film science in such films. :) (04/01/2008)