G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

An evil Asian, a tough black guy, a black guy spewing catchphrases, a Bond-esque villain, his fuckable assistant, a charismatic general, and ninety-four other reasons, with one added on top, not to like contemporary Hollywood. This film is the perfect storehouse of ammunition and weaponry for its opponents. Looking around, I fully understand why so many spectators were banging their heads against the seats in front of them. But... to expect anything witty from Sommers is a mockery of one’s own common sense, and I succumbed to the film from the first seconds. When, after half an hour, the action that another director would have saved for the ending - and I felt happy when 1 (in words: one) Eiffel Tower is saved and half of it is demolished (mathematically: ½) of Prague - I wondered if there was such a thing as creative judgment and common sense. And yet it was still not over. Star Wars! The craziest, most unbelievable, and most entertaining high-budget dementia that contemporary cinema has to offer. My head hurts, it really does. (08/14/2009)

Chaning Tatum is one of the busiest young actors currently filming. "G. I. Joe" is definitely not the best thing he has ever filmed, but it is a movie that can satisfy a viewer who is not looking for a demanding action film, but is satisfied with positive characters, tough guys, a few good lines, which are definitely present here, and finally one or more villains, which you certainly won't confuse with the positive hero. "G. I. Joe" has the advantage that a considerable amount of money was invested in it, which can be seen in the effects, which is also the only thing where the money is visible. And there really wasn't a small amount of money. 175 million dollars is a decent budget. The estimated budget for "Avengers" is around 220 million dollars, which is not that much more. What the money is not visible on is the story and especially some dialogues. It's like we are really in a very bad B-movie action film, because some of the nonsense that the characters have is truly unbelievable. But if you don't think about it and let yourself be drawn into the strange revelation of the villain, you're in for some average entertainment. More: http://www.filmovy-denik.cz/2012/05/kocour-v-botach-jedna-hodne-blba-svatba.html (02/19/2013)

Four super clean stars. I don't know what it is, but none of the Transformers films entertained me as much as G.I. Joe... Sommers is an entertainment expert, so what does it matter that he borrows almost every scene from another movie? He does it well and it's great. The characters in the film are constantly shouting "Woow!" and "Yeeah!", and these exact same words came to mind when I watched this whirlwind in the movie theater. I'm looking forward to the second film. And the third. (08/21/2009)

Exactly as expected. I wouldn't bother with a one-star-rating essay about how bollocks it is, even a small child knows it's bollocks. So I don't see a reason not to fully enjoy it knowingly. The action is unprecedented and cleverly filmed , with well-executed various technical gimmicks and other trifles. The acceleration suits are really cool. Above all, please don't look for something that isn't there, get some quality speakers, a big-screen TV, and let's go. (11/29/2009)

I didn't understand what was happening on the screen during the first 30 minutes, and in the next 30 minutes, I consoled myself with the hope that it was a parody of action blockbusters, and only after about an hour did I come to the conclusion that it is truly stupid and it won't get any better. Of course, I didn't expect any intellectual masterpiece from Sommers, but this time his action-packed digital mess reached its peak when the director completely gave up on any logic, story, or movie characters. It's like whistles, explosions, crashes, and bangs, you just have to ignore the comic speech bubbles. Occasionally, a sentence or a shout comes into it, which usually doesn't make much sense in the context of the image. It's an incredibly childish film, but it can't be considered a fairy tale, as it's more like a movie according to the imagination of a 9-year-old boy who peeks over his parents' shoulders in the evening while they watch an action movie for adults. At the same time, it's a full-length advertisement for an unnamed toy manufacturer that ruins the budgets of children's parents around the world. There are other men in plastic suits, flying machines from the next century, cutting-edge technology, and beautiful women, but it's incredibly stupid, even though it's filmed at such a frenetic pace that you sometimes realize the stupidity later. Basically, any rating is possible, but I'm annoyed by the gigantic budget that could have been used to make twenty other films that would make sense. If I were ten, I would give it 4 stars, at twelve, 3, at fourteen, 2, at sixteen, 1, and after the age of 18, I would have to doubt my sanity if I didn't send this nonsense where it belongs. Overall impression: 10% for the special effects. (12/21/2009)