Escape Plan

"You don't look that smart..." Indeed. It is a pity that the script realizes this only after it realizes that two wooden clubs will not produce an intellectual spark. A few of the situations are amusing, Arnie's religious Germanic frenzy is magical, but otherwise it’s a handful of poorly written and dully filmed situations that try to look smart here, dramatic there, but they rather flow by harmlessly (and arouse legitimate smiles). I have a feeling that a similar happening will work at high speed only on a wave of irony and playfulness. And the creators forgot to lock them up in the same prison. I don't know if I dreamed of meeting Sly and Arnie, but since I'm a fan of both, I would justifiably expect some greater emotion than the embarrassed smile on my face when Sly punched Arnie. It's gone. Oh well. [55%] (10/11/2013)

The script is just stupid enough. I'm simply fascinated by the studio's policy of bringing these over-serving tandems on set under the baton of directorial routinists who operate with the given material more than casually and can only make it work in a few catchy lines and, regarding this film, a unique religious Germanic outburst. Otherwise, it’s essentially a very sterile and fleeting spectacle. (08/15/2014)

Futuretro and Sly who makes a lightbulb out of a bungee cord and even uses it to escape prison. Those were the first two feelings I had when I watched this movie. Truth be told, it wasn’t what I’d imagined. Especially the realism was completely off and I’d compare it to Demolition Man, only with one big difference; the lack of one-liners. Sly and Arnold are just acting tough rather than creating some sort of a laid-back atmosphere and emotions. And that’s basically the whole movie. The topic is really interesting when it comes to two action legends, but the director’s take was far too systematic. I didn’t really feel any heart in that. It doesn’t have one-liners, nothing that could elevate such a great idea to a level that could be called legendary. A shame. (03/10/2015)

B-movie; straightforward and entertaining, originally conceived and refreshed by two veteran icons who in their old age have become even more deeply aware of their role in a colossal movie marathon. But a B-movie nonetheless, predictable, with a stale, truncated and unsurprising plot (starting with the escape plan and ending with Arnie's final "asshole"), and it's more appropriate in this case than elsewhere to play the critic and point out that playing for fun is different from actually being fun. The biggest impression is left by the unpleasantly slimy James Caviezel, who perhaps has never been so good. 65% (01/09/2014)

Escape Plan is helped a lot by the detached humour that Stallone and Schwarzenegger (and, to a lesser extent, the brilliantly sleazy Jim Caviezel) bring to the increasingly imbecilic story. Together, they transform the film into a reunion of alumni who passed a test composed of testosterone-fuelled gestures sometime in the 1980s. However, Håfström makes no effort to stylistically recall any of that. The only upgrade of the (arche)types that the two aging action stars have played over the past forty years is most likely supposed to consist in complementing pure muscle mass with an exceptional intellect. Unlike their ability to hold a ten-kilo machine gun in one hand, I did not believe either one’s shrewdness bordering on genius. Unfortunately, the action – i.e. the main reason the film exists – comes only after a hundred minutes of recycling the most hackneyed escape motifs. In addition to that, the resulting plan is so encumbered with the factor of chance that the presentation of Stallone as a master escape artist is cut off at the knees. After Sly’s unsuccessful attempt to address the matter at hand intellectually, the screenwriter sensible turns him back into good old ultra-violent Rambo. Overall, Escape Plan is just another unsuccessful attempt at a major (double) comeback that much more frequently raises a bemused smile rather than the adrenaline level. 65% (10/10/2013)