Transformers: Age of Extinction

In the "American Blockbuster" column, this is probably the most vivid collection of the worst that can be found in contemporary Hollywood. Watching the new Transformers is like opening up all the US Army ammunition depots and handing them to those who want to kick the filmmaking Mecca. It is almost ethereally paradoxical that this was done by a man I have admired immensely in this discipline, and who until now has paid the ultimate price in the art of turning a film field into a dollar. I don't think Bay has lost his good judgment. The previous fitness pumping clearly screamed how much better he can do behind the camera. He just lost all humility and mindlessly milked a cow for three hours that was long overdue to be embalmed. For the first hour, when they seem to introduce the characters in a style that could be done in ten minutes, I thought that my patience level still had a bit left in the tank. I still accept the fact that it's impotent in terms of its plot, completely off in the acting (OK, Stanley Tucci has a lot of fun copying John Turturro), and absolutely deaf musically. But then there was the event that redefines the term "digital brothel" for the new edition of the Interpretive Dictionary, and my personal fuse was finally blown. After all the destructive feasts I've enjoyed so much at the movies over the years, I've started to wish this era would go mercilessly to... (09/24/2014)

A dumb story is again plays a front for shifting the frontiers of special effects technology. Bay finds the most wonderful corners of our planet and uses them as the backdrop for impressive battle scenes. I still don’t understand how somebody can expect more from this than a visual feast and three hours of brain death. It’s just a shame that the female supporting role (she reminds me of the girl on YouTube with socks in her bra) is the weakest of the entire series. (09/20/2014)

Alright, Mr. Bay, here’s $210 million, and do the same thing you did in the third installment because it raked in a billion dollars. Oh, and by the way, since Shia has become a total jerk and we don't want to waste money on the rest of the crew either, choose a completely new cast of actors, said the guys at Paramount. As unbelievable as it sounds, Bay followed these instructions to the letter. It would get hard for me to remember which movie was which after a while, so Mikey didn't let me down and made a couple of changes...for the worse. The story takes place in Chicago again (miraculously rebuilt in just 4 years!), the old favorite crew has been replaced by a wishy-washy new one without the marines to help them. Jablonsky is still great, but compared to the first installment, the music isn’t as good (plus, for reasons that escape me, the creators replaced the awesome Linkin Park with Imagine Dragons, who are okay, but compared to Linkin Park a disappointment). In addition to the old Autobots and Decepticons, you get new Transformers, most of whose names you have no chance to remember. But what you expect to get out of this movie is simply mindless entertainment, which won’t allow you to use your brain for even a second, with a disgustingly exaggerated runtime. If you accept that, you are in for the biggest ride of this year full of plagiarized but visually stunning effects. PS: Never in my life have I seen a movie so jam-packed with product placement. PSS: Michael Bay should really pass it on and finally make something new. (09/20/2014)

In a world of thrifty ninety-minute movies, this could have been a blockbuster trying for the title of “best part of the saga", there’s certainly enough material for it. For some mysterious reason this spuriously swelled to the length of two regular feature films and so each great minute/scene/wisecrack is alternated by two to three minutes/scenes/wisecracks that are boring, irrelevant filler (at best) or brought ad absurdum to kitsch infantility in Bay’s inimitable style (at worst and unfortunately most frequently). (09/20/2014)

Undiscerning lovers of robots big and small will be satisfied, I’m sure. But what about the rest of the unfortunate audience? This reboot confirms that the cast of the first trilogy was far from bad. Installment number four lacks the human element of Shia LaBeouf, not to mention the comical element provided by excellent actors such as Frances McDormand and John Turturro. The fourth Transformers contains exactly one funny line of dialogue (“The movies nowadays, that’s the trouble - sequels and remakes, bunch of crap”) and it comes in the very beginning. The following two uninteresting hours leading to the Hong Kong climax contain just two short relatively good sequences (Tessa’s kidnapping and the steel cables in Chicago), the first one being the only moment in the movie capable of evoking some emotion and the other the only original idea we haven’t seen done before. The Chinese metropolis setting is pleasantly refreshing, but I wonder how many viewers are able to follow the plot line through the scuffle in the city streets, after the previous two hours of staring at the screen in bafflement. There’s nothing to talk about regarding the characters and their relationships (like in the first episode), and the climax loses in epicness to the militaristic sequence in Transformers 3. The marines, by the way, are also missing here. They had their place in the Transformers universe. Watching this to the end took a lot of effort on my part. (06/25/2014)