Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones

The love scene with the couple by the waterfalls looks like a Nivea commercial. During the battle in the arena, the Jedi look so bored with their lightsabers that I keep waiting for them to roll a joint. The final battle is a massive mess. Add to that directorial shortcomings such as the final chase, in which Padmé falls out of a flying machine, drops from a great height to the ground and, as if in a last ditch effort, shakes her legs like a beetle, gets back on her feet like nothing happened and starts giving orders. There is no point in going on about other lapses, there are plenty of them. Lucas wanted to pay homage to everyone: Beverly Hills 90210, Gladiator, Chaplin's Modern Times, Blade Runner – it's all here. Unfortunately. But this is still Star Wars, and as the episodes roll in, this new coat of the magic that I love so much from the original trilogy takes on a new look. (04/21/2003)

An episode I have a very special relationship with. The story rather clumsily combines two basic storylines and overwhelms with characters who don't get the space they deserve, BUT there’s still something substantial going on. The diverse locations make your chin drop to the floor, the action sequences tear you apart, and all the characters are simply divine (except Anakin, unfortunately, because Christensen is the casting fiasco of the century). I love the feeling of adventure and the development that comes with exploring new corners of the galaxy, I love the lightsabres, I love Obi-Wan and Yoda. It’s perhaps guilty pleasure, but also perhaps the most pleasant entry in the entire franchise. 80% (08/03/2018)

Whereas Star Wars: Episode I “only” lacked the heart of the original trilogy, Episode II is just a dramaturgically lame comic-book popcorn flick. At the same time, however, it’s jam-packed with so many great characters, bombastic action, romance and plot twists that are important to the development of the Star Wars saga that it’s impossible to be bored for even a second. The visual effects are shoddy in some places, but the best of them are stunningly good. This is not the good old heartwarming Star Wars of before, but in the context of contemporary eye-candy popcorn entertainment, it’s great. (05/20/2002)

I have never really loved the new trilogy, but if I set aside the romance from this film, it's actually a pretty good bridge to the third and best film of the new trilogy. Visually, it's captivating, and especially the planet Kamino seems absolutely enchanting to me. It's probably because of the water, rain, and constant darkness. Obi-Wan is definitely the best character of the entire trilogy. (03/22/2015)

Following the childishly naive Episode I, along comes the adolescently boorish, emo and theatrically unbalanced and ridiculously “dark and gritty” second episode. If Episode I betrayed the original trilogy by denigrating and distorting the canon, with midi-chlorians at the fore, but at least stood up as an autonomous narrative and a boisterous children’s movie, then Episode II conversely renounces not only self-containment but also internal logic in the interest of meticulously paving the way for the original trilogy. All of the characters become inanimate puppets, circling around a vain, egocentric brat. This is most frighteningly apparent in Anakin and Amidala’s relationship, which takes on not only a distinctly perverse but also repulsive form. As if by a wave of a Jedi hand, the princess loses any will of her own; her resolve and active nature seen in the first episode are replaced by unconditional submissiveness and lobotomization. At the same time, however, the slapdash screenplay gives the vain, blandly brooding asocial prick, who loudly declares his own supposed exceptionalism, every possible trophy, including the princess, and then presents an unprecedentedly repulsive projection screen for equally vain and supposedly chosen nerds. (10/11/2015)