The Pacifier

The Pacifier is solely for children, who will find in it peers with similar problems and a hero who will help them solve those problems. Unfortunately, however, it is a second-rate movie that is far from the quality of those good old Columbus flicks (Home Alone, Mrs. Doubtfire). Here, family values are only mechanically mentioned rather than sincerely expressed and some of the jokes are okay, but they mostly fall flat. Vin Diesel is the acting equal of Arnold Schwarzenegger – see the scene in which the little boy calls him “daddy”, which seems to deeply affect Diesel. Of course, there is sentimentality (the candid dialogue with the eldest sister) and the embarrassing, clichéd “action” ending. The best thing in the film is the character of the galactically moronic preschool vice-principle, who is played with relish. It’s a shame that she didn’t get more space. (04/14/2005)

Vin Diesel's eyes must have been watering from Riddick's contact lenses, so he set about among the children, following the example of his predecessors, making the audience’s eyes water as well. The incredibly formulaic script piles one gag on top of another, the quality of which could only be appreciated by the writers of entertainment shows on TV. The film is tedious in its direction, occasionally attempting to impress with action scenes that end up being laughable even though they were meant to be taken seriously, such as the opening rescue mission. And amidst it all stands the bald, muscular mountain, who is capable is selling his tough charisma much better. It remains true that Diesel likes being around children and that he enjoys changing their diapers, singing lullabies, or making them breakfast. But all this happens in incredibly awkward and cringe-worthy situations that even a police officer going to a kindergarten would be ashamed of. I can understand how one might have enjoyed the first half, which was relatively entertaining (if that's what you were looking for). However, in the moment of "mutual understanding and agreement," everything goes downhill, along with the last trace of humor. John Debney's excellent music, which cleverly parodies various military motifs, might indeed be overshadowed by the repetitive and predictable plot. It's a shame that the film's potential gets lost in the mix of clichés and the unoriginal finale, making it challenging to appreciate the musical aspect fully. "So Vin, the next time you're choosing between filling a baby's ass or a gun, don't try to combine the two and pick one you’re already good at." (08/10/2005)

Incredible nonsense, which wouldn't really matter if Vin Diesel had the comic "talent" of someone like Arnie. Unfortunately, this muscle man can't even be really embarrassed by the wooden acting and tries to act ostentatiously, sympathetically and comically. It’s too bad that he doesn’t have Arnie's universal grimaces and the woody stiffness that would make the role a little more fun. I've always missed the point of casting muscular "actors" in similar comic roles, but a certain type of dumb audience demands it, just like soulless gags, stupid action sequences, and an unraveling so touchingly stupid that you'd rather eat the kitchen blender. Vin Diesel should continue to annihilate pan-galactic monsters and not be changing shitty diapers... In terms of the latter, it turns out that mere muscle is not enough. (05/01/2006)

Positive attitude expressed through moralistic advice of the oldest girl, constantly impersonal behavior above matters and as the pinnacle of somewhat foolishness "Goodbye daddy". All of this would simply be forgettable craziness, but countless gags with liquids from the youngest in the family somewhat spoiled this evening for me. (12/30/2005)

Childish crap that wants to be Kindergarten Cop for another muscleman, but it isn’t. The agent who set Diesel up must've been high, he’s never been so bad. (12/20/2020)

I quite enjoy these silly movies where muscle-bound guys play sensitive roles. It amuses me, it's fun, and overall, it works for me. Vin Diesel delivered exactly what the role needed. "His" kids are annoyingly cute, leading to everything eventually coming together and ending well, as one would expect. Nothing groundbreaking, but I had fun with it. (06/27/2017)