Twilight

3 stars and I’m being kind. And that’s after some pressuring from my sister. Music video atmosphere, shining vampires playing basketball and driving a Volvo. Vampires on a diet. For God’s sake. The naive story that combines all kinds of clichés was actually the best thing about the whole of Twilight. Well, Kristen Stewart included. Goofy Patinsson (formerly aka Cedrick Diggory) managed to spoil every scene he appeared in. That guy simply can’t act. I am a bit surprised that I didn’t notice that back then in Harry Potter. Too bad. It’s survivable and I was bored only occasionally. Is it just me or are you also really looking forward to part two? (03/20/2009)

A contagiously seductive and fragrant combination of classic horror elements, an innocent concept of platonic love, hackneyed plot clichés, Matrix visuals, beautiful natural locations, a Volvo C30 and metrosexuality. How can you resist something like that, especially when it tries to look deadly serious in all its childish naivety? The film is an embodiment of everything that the teenagers of today consider “in” and that sells well. If it hadn’t taken the central couple so long to get together, I might have even condescended to give this a higher rating. A guilty pleasure. (11/25/2008)

I'm too old for this. I'm slowly becoming allergic to it because I read the book and saw that Pattinson works very well in various period dramas, Cam Gigandet impressed in Burlesque, and overall I don't feel like it's a franchise full of desperate people anymore - in short, it's just a franchise for little girls. ;) (08/12/2009)

This is my new peak viewing experience at the cinema (and I’ve had more than a few of those). I definitely got a diametrically different impression of Twilight when watching it alone at home. The ideal first time to see it was 14 years after its premiere, when a Twilight marathon was held at the Aero cinema in the company of 210 female viewers (and about 20 guys), and it was incredibly amazing. That distance in time was the essential aspect, as the audience comprised people for whom these films were formative for various reasons, so those people still like them, but they now watch them with a sense of amused detachment. Mainly, however, they came to the cinema to enjoy them together, with all the good, the dubious, the bad and the absurd that the whole franchise involves – so, this is not a guilty pleasure, but an ironic cult flick in its most concentrated form. The first fraction of a second, when the Summit Entertainment logo began to appear on the screen, elicited the first explosion of applause and squeals, which was repeated with the entrance of each key character. Contrary to my unknowledgeable assumptions, the biggest ovation was received not by Edward (though it was huge), but for the two fathers, which brought the powerful daddy (or even DILF) storyline of the whole movie into focus. There was also the mass shouted recitation of iconic lines, the choral crooning of songs, the scene in the woods with the echo of recited dialogue throughout the screening room, and the cheering during the vampire baseball game that would make the World Series envious. At the same time, however, every absurd scene, every overwrought expression of the actors and every seemingly peripheral element was accompanied by volleys of laughter and loud reactions and ironic comments. It may sound sacrilegious, but that’s how I somehow imagine the initial spontaneous atmosphere at early screenings of The Rocky Horror Picture Show before the interactions with that ancestral cult movie were codified. There was nothing organised here. Rather, it was just the pure immediate enthusiasm of a shared experience and the enjoyment of the togetherness of an audience on the same wavelength. Today, Twilight thus transcends the pigeonholes of pop, camp, mainstream and fringe, and despite the dismay of all kinds of purists, elitists and macho fanboys, it remains an essential cinematic phenomenon. PS: #TeamAlice (10/11/2022)

The mistake must have been made in the book because I don't believe that any dramaturgist would see such dialogue on paper and not immediately whip the scriptwriter for it. One rhetorical gem after another, let loose from the mouths of perhaps the most awkward lovelorn couple of recent years - Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson, along with Catherine Hardwicke's tired, unnecessary, and underdeveloped direction, alternated within me a gloating smile with deep yawns. There’s so much wrong with the film that I wonder if someone wanted to sabotage Hollywood in the most insidious way. It’s quite the guilty pleasure, as well the knowledge that I have never wished to be a 15-year-old girl who paints her nails black, stabs the surroundings with her rough eyes, and the highlight of her pleasure is getting deflowered by a pale dude she meets at a gothic convention. Let’s go, I want the next film! :) (06/11/2009)