The Twilight Saga: New Moon

I simply have to ask: "What does Martha Stewart do?" Other than that, I don't know how to feel about this experience. Unintentional laughter over laughter in almost every shot and sentence? Come on. What was seen and why remains hidden from us. If this was a ten-minute short, it could be funny... but Dakota's participation is a scam. (11/08/2011)

Hands down one of the worst films (in every aspect) I have ever seen. Glaring technical and dramaturgical incompleteness, holes in the script, insane actors, a plot about nothing. Watching this nonsense for 125 minutes was literally a superhuman task. A completely twisted film without a hint of tension, visual aesthetics, or proper mythology. Teen romance that turns into an eternal battle between werewolves and vampires. Rubbish and doesn't even come close to a one-star rating. (08/26/2012)

Oof, oof, I got it over with. I couldn't stand to watch it all the way through, so I'd occasionally pause it and run into the living room to see what my mom and sister were watching. Underworld 2; so that helped clear my head... :-D No matter how hard they try, the actors can't make anything decent out of it, because the script doesn't let them. I don't get Bella – how can she choose something hard and cold (white with ugly eyes) over something warm, hot, soft, and nicely furry. (No, I don't like either of those actors, but still, looking at in terms of logic... oh whoops, this is no place for logic, I forgot). The only thing I agree with Bella on is her question: “How can you love me, me a human?" – I wonder that too, how can a human love a vampire so much, and so pathetically at that? It kind of smacks of zoophilia... It felt a bit like a gathering of unstable fellow Americans jumping up and down trees (or off cliffs), dressing up like wolves or weirdos with even weirder eyes and ugly white skin, or trying to show the world how much they suffer for love until they get suicidal. I'd take them all by the hand and walk them to the nearest psychiatrist’s couch. The subject matter isn’t worth much, either (I read it and it was done in a day, but that didn’t have anything to do with quality), so you can’t be too surprised at all the pathetic speeches, cooing, nightmares, and pallor. I hope I don't catch anything like that from it. Too bad they're all there being so stupid and pitying poor virgin Bella, who actually seems to crave sex terribly – could you tell? X-D Or was something else going on? It's starting to look like a new WTF fad! (11/28/2009)

To all opponents, all mockers, and all cynics, access is once again prohibited. Because here, suffering for a broken heart continues, desperate actions have no end, and for true love, everyone would go to the ends of the earth (and maybe even further). What the book pulverized in endless repeated reflections on the same topic, Weitz managed to create a romantic-adventurous spectacle out of it. Tolerance is still necessary, but those who did not reject at first should not do so now either. (12/13/2009)

Now I get it. The main reason why the Twilight Saga has been so negatively received by reasonable viewers is that the female protagonist is an utter moron with whom I wouldn’t want to share even a word… Otherwise, it has a couple of fine moments, but it’s hard to watch characters that make you want to wring their necks. (08/26/2010)