Pain & Gain

How do you combine irony, distance, fun and shock? Don't ask Michael, he doesn’t know. The problem of Pain and Gain can be summed up in one sentence: for this type of film to work, it needs to be smarter than its characters. And it's not. The director has no distance, the escalating dementia of everything and everyone excuses the genre of black comedy and the complete imbalance of tone of the popular alibi that reality is "stranger than fiction". But it is not in this form. Everything that is strange and unsettling about this story was melted by Bay in a sweaty muscular goulash, all the dynamics of which lie in the constant movement of the camera and grotesque performances that do not have a shred of integrity in them (just like the entire script). How does one make it so that all the pain brings some gain, other than superficial tabloid entertainment? This equation is beyond Bay's capabilities. (07/31/2013)

If you take an hour of untethered action from Bad Boys II and replace it with an even larger portion of infantile entertainment aimed at gut reaction, so typical of Bay, this time presented as “nerds overflowing with clever plans". And although I would prefer to see this story in the hands of the Coen brothers, I can’t deny that in his own guilty pleasure way, Bay shows that he can also be, although not actually funny, at least entertaining. And this is in spite of its length and Marky Mark’s return to Calvin Klein underpants. (08/09/2013)

I was really looking forward to watching Pain & Gain. Bay made it out of pure love for cinematography. To be able to make this, he signed up for making the fourth Transformers, and he put the Rock and Mark Wahlberg into it. I really like these two, so one beautiful sunny day I decided to go to the cinema, expecting to enjoy nice actors, great action, fun and amusement. And that’s not quite what I got, and I must admit that I keep mulling this over. The actors are not the problem. Mark Wahlberg is as hunky as probably never before, while the Rock is playing what is probably the most distinctive role of his career. The problem lies in the story. There is no one to root for. Everybody in this movie is a bastard. Moreover, this film is full of absolutely brutal dark humor. That wouldn’t be that bad, because I like this type of humor and usually have no problems with it. The problem comes when it begins to brutally cross the line. The line is crossed by the spectacular action, shot with a very decent, even though sometimes rather shaky camera, but also by the humor, which I couldn’t even get in the end. (08/15/2013)

A similarly absurd spectacle to the Coen brothers' legendary Fargo. It's so bizarre, cynical and aptly ironic, so politically incorrect, so dehumanisingly testoste-packed, that in a perverse sort of way it's impossible not to like it. Moreover, it brutally kicks the ass of the notorious idea of the American dream of a land of unlimited possibilities, where everything can be achieved with diligence and ambition. The tragicomic figures with a dumbbell and a dollar sign for a brain, accurately portrayed by Mark Wahlberg and Dwayne Johnson, were a delight to watch. I’ve never been and I am not a fan of Michael Bay, he’s never known, and still doesn't know, moderation in his films, but here he actually turned this unfortunate trait into something unexpected: his best film. (08/10/2013)

Tony Scott is in God’s truth and so the throne for the king of sexy filtered filmmaking is once again at the disposal of one man. I never expected Michael Bay to confirm his status as a conversational crime comedy even in my wildest dreams, which is mainly due to the brilliantly absurd script, excellent actors, and the director's obvious desire to make something for his own entertainment. This is definitely the best Michael Bay film since... well, since The Rock. (08/29/2013)