Necrotongue

Once again, the Dutch filmmakers pulled off a film with excellent atmosphere. Based on its running time, I thought it would drag on, but instead it just flew by. Guy Pearce was cast in the role of a slimy bastard, which was a perfect fit for him as usual. The story was told in an interesting way, kind of a journey against the flow of time, and it didn’t get boring for even a second. It’s true that there wasn't much action but when it did come it was brutal. The scene with the pigs reminded me of Deadwood and Mr. Wu.

The creators got a little carried away this time with their enthusiasm for the main character, I could accept the operation in an ambulance, but at full speed? Come on, they could have let it stop for a while. Otherwise, the doctor entertained me as usual, his unempathetic approach to patients really amuses me, and the evaluation of the kiss was reeking of brilliance. That really pleases me.

I thought I was in for a suspenseful thriller, but instead I got a weird commercial for an armored Chrysler and the US Highway System. I didn't enjoy the chase much as it was too long and interspersed with emotionally strained monologues addressed to God (absent) and the son (also absent). The writing felt uninspired and rather predictable, and the ending was downright dumb.

I was going to give the film two stars but ended up adding a third one thanks to the second half. Once again, Channing Tatum failed to convince me that he's an actor. The only performance worth mentioning was Daniel Craig’s. I wasn't particularly enjoying the film until about halfway through, which is when things got slightly better, but I still felt like I I'd seen it all before (several times).

I only watched the film because I love Chloë Grace Moretz who gave a decent performance as usual. As for the rest of the cast, only David Strathairn caught my attention. The story seemed flat and lifeless. To be completely honest, I was pretty bored. The longer I watched, the less I cared how the film would end.

In the fourth installment, CGI reached its peak in the scene where a shark was eliminated on the bench. I replayed the scene three times before I believed what I was seeing, or rather what I wasn’t. Then I spent ten minutes trying to survive a fit of laughter the likes of which I hadn't experienced in quite a while. The makers of this travesty seemed to have reacted to audience feedback and tried to pretend that the comedy was intentional, hence the references to The Wizard of Oz, Terminator, Iron Man and Baywatch, but the fact remains that once again, the most hilarious scenes were those that hadn’t been intended for laughs. I couldn't figure out if they were really serious about: sharknado, sandnado, rocknado, oilnado, firenado, lavanado, cownado and nukeado. My suspicion is that they were dead serious, and here goes one star for the unintentional humor.

What? 34%? Well, actually, why not. Thunder Levin got the keyboard fired up big time, so his sharks, which look very "realistic" as usual, not only swim, fly, and ride public transport, but also go through building walls and government bunkers. Levin was joined by Christopher Roth, who once again left me flabbergasted at his ability to transport people and objects in the blink of an eye. It's true that compared to Sharknados, most porn movies have an elaborate storyline, but I have to award a star for giving me great laughs again. After all, the heroic struggle, sharks in space or the childbirth scene should not be forgotten. The creators even managed to fail in their desperate attempt at pathos, making it utterly hilarious.

After the well-deserved success of the first installment, the filmmakers went down the well-trodden path again, that is, zero script or direction, disastrous effects and a lot of non-acting. I'm awarding one star again for the unintentional humor, but also for the beautiful celebration of New York City and its people, and the most romantic marriage proposal in movie history. I was amazed that Samuel L. Jackson didn't take part in this. After Snakes on a Plane, he could have starred in Sharks on a Plane, and that's a challenge! A line from the film that says it all: "These shark could be coming down at 2 inches an hour."

I only watched the "film" because a YouTube video compilation of its stupidest scenes got to my attention. Which means I kind of knew what I was getting into. I mean, I thought I did. I didn't. There could be no doubt that the plot was going to be terrible, but it was such an artless piece of crap that I almost decided against giving the film one star for unintentional humor. But then it came to Little Red Riding Hood, and I also remembered a line from the first third of the film: "the aerodynamics in this car cannot match the waves", so I ended up giving it one star. It hit the spot like a shark falling on a heliport. Only three more installments to go...

Having awarded Anthropoid one star, I can't put this on the same level. It didn’t seem like a bad film at first. It managed to explain who Reinhard was to the less knowledgeable viewer, but all it took was Night of the Long Knives for me to snap back to reality. Why do the makers of WWII films find it so hard to understand that an MP 38 submachine gun, as in 1938, could not have been used by members of the SS in 1934? And it all goes downhill from there. Jan Kubiš makes his own explosives (!!!), the driver Klein isn’t just shot in his thigh but shot dead, the Moravec family must have drunk a youth potion before entering the scene, and the church fight is turned into a complete farce in which the soundtrack is accompanied by a Bren light machine gun. The role of the Americans in the production of this travesty was apparently to supply the Czech resistance and paratroopers with Thompson submachine guns. And the scene with Reinhard on his deathbed... I was confirmed once again that The Assassination from 1964 is simply unbeatable.